Gaining Inspiration

Adopting new perspective: “I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then. ” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland “Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee, One clover, and a bee, And revery. The revery alone will do, If bees are few. ~Emily Dickinson, Poems Those who do not think outside the box are easily contained. ~Nicolas Manetta

Ahh

What a brilliant day. Despite the cold and dreary day outside, I'm happy to report that inside it is finally shining again. The Anchor and I went out with some friends last night and I had a great time. So good, that we took a cab home, and I barely recall the cab ride, except for just a brief moment when my heart skipped a beat, just for a second, it was barely perceptible but I caught it. I know what was there and I'll hold onto that for a while. Of course, as ever the Anchor comments, "I'm just not that into going out and just drinking. I look at how much I spent and it wasn't worth it." Can we ever be on the same page? For me it was such a release, an escape.

But today was great. I made a lovely simple breakfast for My Wind and I. And knowing I had a whole other day off, I wasn't in much of a hurry at all. So when he asked to play a game, I didn't even hesitate or stall at all. We sat down and played a wonderful game of Monopoly Junior, even though he really wanted to play Monopoly. He beat me fair and square, as I rarely let him win. Then I worked on laundry and just a variety of other little chores. When he went off to a birthday party I got a few projects done and then we headed to the Cities for some errands and dinner.

I'd like to think I'm pretty adventurous and willing to do a lot on my own, so I thought, My Wind and I would go have dinner at a restaurant I've never been too. But when I looked up the menu it looked like maybe you could only order family style, and with just the two of us, I thought that wasn't practical and was very expensive. Besides on the way past the Asian market we went to I saw what I thought was a Pho restaurant. I thought that sounded good and though I've never tried Pho I thought I knew a little about it, plus it looked like a small local eatery, and a friend recently said, "You can't really go wrong with Pho." So with all that we headed in. Turns out I wish I had been with someone who could have schooled me a little in Pho. I kept my eye on one guy across the room and from the distance tried to learn what I could from him in enjoying the meal. It was really good, but by looking around I'm afraid I was missing out on a more authentic experience. Oh, well, as I said, it was good and My Wind enjoyed his meal, though I don't think I ordered him what he had asked for, so I'm not sure what he had. But as I said it was good, he's a good sport, and he liked it.

We ran a few more metro errands and headed back for home. A snack and some snuggles, and then lots of cleaning and paper work, and I feel refreshed. I can't wait to see what comes of tomorrow!

Filling in the Hole

Saturday: in the quiet of the a.m.: work on ordering photos online

make giant family breakfast

participate in 3hours of literature drop for local candidate (lots of walking!)

off to the local orchard (Spruce Maze was great)

to River Falls, thrift stores (nothing looked amazing enough to buy)

lunch in RF (wasn't very good)

commence wine drinking

home to clean two storage rooms in basement, organize winter clothes, pack summer clothes, organize entrance area...

make learning clock for child while,...

watching football game, didn't make it through halftime

Sunday: in the quiet of the a.m. coffee and finish picture order

make giant breakfast for family

make banana bread

arrange for playdate

bathe dog

clean child's room

cook turkey

make lunch

deliver banana bread with child to neighbor's

supervise playdate while doing any of these other things

put outside garden to bed

clean up yard

commence wine drinking

finish turkey

make cheddar broccoli soup for supper (with squash)

clean kitchen

walk with a friend and the dog

feed the family and my mom(one of my favorite things I get to do)

visit with mom and discuss housing

clean up kitchen

finish folding laundry

and now bed...

I've been aware at several points in my life that sometimes I neglect my own soul. It becomes a little hole that I often can manage patching over and moving on. But as I never really treat it on a regular basis it never quite heals perfectly. Recently, the patch covering said-hole was removed, and I underwent a little therapy (is this all cryptic enough for you?) What does that mean? Well, for example writing has been good therapy for this hole, as has stimulating conversation. But I'm not sure that this therapy is sustainable. In fact, it doesn't seem sustainable. With a few harsh days of unsuccessful therapy, this weekend I am beginning to patch the hole. Oh, I'll continue to treat the parts that are mostly healed; I'll try to keep writing and find other soul fulfilling activities but one of my pleasures of late seems to be fading quickly, and I'm trying desperately not to notice. So I've busied myself with other things all weekend. The ordering of the photos was very good for my soul. Maybe, I wish I had gone into some art field. Maybe I just need to keep writing.

Growing up

My Wind has a friend over. This is what I heard in consideration of friend climbing into tree where Wind is. Friend, "But will I fall?" Wind, "F-a-l-l (spelled out) impossible!" Then, "If you don't try you have no chance at doing it." hmmm where might he have gotten this advice? Truthfully, he could have gotten it in a number of places, but to hear him repeat it in encouragement to another, well, I was pretty impressed.

City Love

Have I told you how much I love the city? Tonight it's Seattle (but note, I also love Washington D.C.), the only two major cities I've ever stayed right downtown in, well besides my very own Minneapolis and St. Paul (I prefer the downtown of MPLS, but don't tell anyone, I don't want to be banished from St.P) First, I should begin by saying I LOVE window seats. A long bench with a cusion and a large window is just about utopia to me; the only thing better is an Adirondak chair outside (and a good book). But here, in the hotel, is a long stone ledge that overlooks the tall buildings all around me. I'm facing the ocean but I can't see it at all. But that's OK. Straight across from me is an apratment building, and I am loving sitting here with my drapes wide open, and theirs are too. I feel like I'm living in the city with them. I could watch TV with them, and they can watch me write. We can even have a drink together. I don't feel so alone. But I think if I lived here I would try to meet them, so we really could talk together. But then it might be creepy... I would text, and they wouldn't answer, but I'd know they were home watching TV. Then I'd freak out, like, "What did I say to offend them?" But it would turn out they left their phone at work, except I wouldn't sleep... and I'd be all anxious next time I saw them... OK, I'd work on that, at least I'm aware of my tendencies right. Oh and sometimes we would wave to each other and we'd come up with a way to signal, "Hey, let's meet down on our corner and go somewhere." That would be city life!

Oh, I just saw a cat walk by on the ledge of one of the apartments. See, I would house sit for that person!

My new M.O.: Writing and Wine

From Conferences

My neighbors

From Conferences

Conference Etiquette

Please, I beg, next time you're at a conferenec please keep these in mind...

Please silence your cell phone.

Please turn off the audio response on your iphone or itouch keypad. That clicking sound is loud and really disrtacting.

Please, if you need some candy or a snack during the hour long breakout, please get it out of it's wrapper quickly and get rid of the wrapper. Special note, please do not eat Smarties, retrieving them one at a time from the wrapper. If you must eat Smarties, may I suggest you open the wrapper and pour them into your hand or onto your lap and get rid of the wrapper. It's very loud.

Also, please don't click your pen in and out repeatedly. It's also very loud.

Apparently I'm very sound sensitive in conferences!

If it's a crowded room and you are arriving late and have a plate full of food and a cup of tea, maybe you should just stand in the back or come in after you've had your breakfast. You probably shouldn't squeeze into the only open seat in the middle of the seating. It's also very distracting.

And if you are a presenter and signed up to be a presenter to show off what you are doing, then please have confidence in what you are doing and stand up there and teach us about it.

And if you are a presenter, presenting on the uses of technology, please don't use power point if you don't know how to use it. You lose all credibility that way.

Making the Most of Back to Back Conferences...

A long week away at conferences! And I feel like I’ve experienced two very different United States. First I was in Brainerd, actually Deerwood, for four days. Doesn’t Deerwood just sound more Minnesotan? It’s a great Minnesotan lodge on a beautiful lake. The first morning I was able to see the sun rise beautifully over the lake. There’s nothing like the low bare granite rocks with just a few pines eking out an existence on them to make my heart melt and long for a paddle in my hands. Then I went for a run around the golf course and around a small, probably man made, lake. The back side of the lake was mulched and right next to the water it was so soft to run on and signs of animals were all around. I pictured myself sitting quietly next to one of the maple trees, camera at the ready, staring at the pond waiting for the beavers or otters that lived there to pop up. It was a fresh and invigorating run!

The conference was OK. I learned a few things here and there. I had heard too that the food was wonderful. It was not. Breakfast was typical Minnesotan, lots of carbs and fatty meats. The lunches were awful. One day they made Minnesotan, American, bastardized Chinese food. It was inedible! I thought, “They should stick to what they know up here and make hotdish.” So the next night I went to dinner, and I was a little optimistic, the first dinner was good, and I skipped out on the second dinner. In truth I was not disappointed in dinner the third night, though I barely ate any. But, they took my mental advice. They stuck to what they know—hot dish. Truly it was a hotdish for only one reason; it had crushed potato chips on the top. It was like no other hotdish I had ever had, it was cheesy potatoes with crushed potato chips on top. Like I said, I didn’t eat much of the dinner that night, but I also couldn’t complain, because they stuck to what they “know.”

A good run!

From Conferences

Like on my other adventures of late, to really enjoy the local food you must get out to where the locals eat! Luckily, a friend was willing to pick me up from the conference and help me get out into the local culture. This was by far the best part of the week (oh yeah, and all the learning from the conference I’ll take back to work with me). E. and I went to a bar called The Deerstand. Doesn’t that sound Minnesotan? Since I was skipping dinner I asked the bartender for his recommendation on the menu. He suggested the chicken and wild rice and Canadian bacon pizza. I don’t normally like Canadian bacon but if you’re going to ask for a recommendation you better be prepared to take it. It was superb! I mean superb, delicious. I would drive back there for that! So E and I ate and drank. And it was so nice to talk to her without all the other people we usually have around us when we’re together. We have a lot in common, and I really like her a lot. And a grentleman who was still celebrating his 75th birthday that was the day before came up to us frequently in his blue chamois shirt and chatted us up. He so much reminded me of my dad, I could have slipped him in my pocket and taken him home, if only my own dad had made it to 75! Of course, I see him in others and that certainly helps my compassion and connection to others.

I'm trying not to be judgmental here, so hat's off to Northern Minnesota carbs only hotdish!

From Conferences

Of course it snowed, As one friend put it, "Babe the frosty Ox"

From Conferences

Finally, with that conference behind me I headed home to hangout with the family and eat at a local establishment closer to home. Mmmm King’s Burgers, eat burgers like the locals eat and waffle fries and sour cream.

From Conferences

And the next morning I’m off to Seattle. When I first arrived in the hotel I instantly felt so lonely and alone. It’s not like traveling for leisure but you’re tempted by all these things you want to do, so it may feel a little like leisure traveling, except you’re surrounded by work people, work events, work schedules, and you have to be mentally “on.” But, as only I know how… I made the best of it. I became tour guide and headed over to West Seattle where we ate at a local pizza place. I think fish would have been better, but I’m not a very good tour guide and didn’t know there were half a dozen fish and chip shops down the beach. Oh well, the pizza was good. It was a good time none-the-less, experiencing the Pacific Northwest with the on again off again rain and the commuter life, using the water taxi and public transportation. So as much as I love northern Minnesota and would have happily turned over my ipad for a paddle, here I want to trade in my car for a good rain jacket and a good bike. As I walked around Seattle City Center today I wanted to lie down on the (wet) grass and just soak in all the art that surrounded me. I wanted to run the streets of Seattle this morning. I am dying to get to the International District for some local food, but long to be in that neighborhood for some international events. A thriving city is just as inviting as the woods. Even though I’m sure you can see straight into my hotel room, as I can see straight into the apartments across the block, I have to have my shades open—I have to be connected to that outside world. The worst part of the city today was having to get up early and not knowing the neighborhood and having to run inside on the treadmill with a dozen other people in the room. I’m meant to run outside. I love the tall trees as much as I love the tall buildings—and here in lies my discontent. It’s like choosing one of two loves. I love the lights as much as I love the stars. The city and the urban both have their assets and their flaws, and unfortunately I want it all. No, I need it all. I need both the city and the forest. I need the ocean and the woods. I need the summer and the snow. I need to swim and to climb. I need people and solitude.

I was able to break away for a local football game against my alma mader. Sadly, we lost, but I won a little; For the first time in my life I went to a bar by myself. And with the little practice I had a few weeks ago getting back into meeting people and enhancing my Dad-given social skills, I was able to strike up conversation with the first young man sitting next to me, and then the second one. It was tremendously fun just having a casual conversation with both guys and finding out about the interesting things that others do. I hope tomorrow I can get down to a more local level. Enjoy more local foods. I saw a good looking gyros deli, and Thai food, and Vietnamese, and Japanese, and Chinese, and Mexican, and a fish taco restaurant (I love fish tacos). Interesting how I think I love all foods but I didn’t mention the Italian nor the Irish restaurants I saw too. I think it’s too heavy… I like my veggies and things cooked lightly. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure I won’t get to all of these tomorrow. Though, I did have an excellent supper at SkyCity tonight, it definitely wasn’t what the locals eat.

A beautiful city view, too.

From Conferences

Local drinkery! 160 taps! I had gin and tonic, of course!

From Conferences

Delicious dinner-rare seared tuna. Not only good food but an art mecca too.

From Conferences

From Conferences

Final thoughts, so I’ve been walking to and from places a lot while I’ve been here. I’ve encountered many, many homeless people. I’m having a difficult time with this. I have a really solid appreciation for homelessness. There are so many reasons people are homeless and it’s not usually out of choice. But I just don’t know how to help. I could give them all the money in my wallet, which usually is none, but sometimes I have some. Do I give it to them? Does it help them in any real way? Would I be better off donating to a homeless shelter or is that turning away from the problem. And then, when you see a homeless person it really and truly pains me to see him or her sit there asking for money. What must it take mentally to beg for money from others? Sometimes I think they look happy or at least content, but I think it’s the same front any one of us puts on in front of the mirror or a boss or a loved one. We put on a good face for ourselves and for others, but every time we do that we are tearing away a little bit of ourselves and it takes years to rebuild that. So, what do I do when I see a homeless person on the street? What’s the right answer? I’m sure there isn’t a right answer but it inspires me to seek a little more understanding of the situation and to seek the advice of others who also have a better understanding of the situation. I’d like to find an opportunity to do some volunteering with the homeless when I get back to Minnesota.

Day 1, Sept 25: Arriving in China

My first visit abroad was not disappointing! I've always loved traveling and am so lucky that with my dad such a traveler and then moving around after college I've been to many places in the U.S. In fact, I only have one state left to visit: Rhode Island, though I've barely been to Massachusetts, so I'd love to visit both some day.

The trip out to Quzhou (for non-Chinese speakers, I think I'm getting the pronunciation down and I think the closest pronunciation tip I can give you is something like chew-Joe) was long. 1.5 hr flight to Chicago, 2hr lay over, 14+hr flight to Shanghai, 5 hr bus ride to Quzhou. The flight was pretty amazing in that we were able to move around the airplane a lot and we even found a window back by the rear exit that we could open the shade of periodically to look out. I was able to see out as we flew over the very far northern coast of Alaska. Even though it was hard to tell what was ice and what was water, you could see distinct barren land, with the exception of one very small air field. Later, we looked out over Siberia and were able to get a phenomenal view of the Verkhoyansk Range.

From China

The bus ride to Quzhou was also out of this world. It was a police van and the driver pretty much had his horn going the entire ride trying to clear the road for us. Not only did he use his horn/siren and ride right up to the back of cars and the lanes were very fluid, but the other cars never seemed to mind that he was trying to get them to move.

When we arrived we were given 15 minutes to get into our rooms and then meet on the second floor for dinner. I jumped in the shower to rinse off some of the travel grime and wake-up before dinner. Several folks with connections to Red Wing, Quzhou, or the Foreign Affairs office joined us for dinner. Looking back, I think I was very nervous. I don't think I said too much other than asking what the dish in front of me is or saying something stupid--luckily My Anchor was sitting next to me and elbowed me a few times to remind me to bite my tongue! Foot in mouth is an awful disease.

From China

Finally we were done with day one and off to sleep. I fell asleep quickly but it seemed like a short night.

Day 2, Sept 26: Quzhou Technical College

We skyped "My Wind" in the morning. And started going strong all day. Breakfast buffet, van ride the one block to the college, tour of the college, lunch, signing exchange agreement, back to hotel. Short break to freshen up then dinner at one of the most elite restaurants in Quzhou, out on an island. Many more people to meet and lots of toasting. We tried a local lotus wine, it was a sharp alcohol, more like a strong liquor. It felt like nails going down (after the fourth evening it got a little more palatable-Brad did a pretty good job challenging himself the following evening). Again, I had to watch my foolish mouth which landed me an invitation to have a cigarette with the Director of the Foreign Affairs Office. Needless to say I turned him down.

Brad with "White Lightening" AKA Lotus Wine on our Second Night

From China

Then an evening performance at the Confucius Temple: plays, dancers, singing, poetry, music. It was beautiful but I was exhausted (and did begin to nod off a little during the plays that were only in Chinese).

The highlight of the day was visiting the college. First, each small group had his/her own translator and that was really helpful. We visited the Fine Arts building, the Nursing building, and the "Engineering" building. The engineering was mostly engine repair, CNC, Solar panel work, tool and die, etc. The grounds were beautiful in many ways. The buildings surrounded a central courtyard that students used for clubs and activities like in-line skating and tai-chi. We saw many students in class or getting ready for class. The class sizes were large; the campus included over 4000 students. Some students even put on a performance for us. That was amazing. They did calligraphy, "silk" flower making, painting, and sang a song that included some dancing. The students and on-campus faculty hung their clothes off the balcony and their blankets outside in the sun anywhere they could find room to lay them out, since it was a good day to air them. I did this when weather allowed it when My Wind was in diapers, as the UV light kills many microorganisms and helps with stains. It was fun to see these little differences and on one hand appreciate the convenience of our dryers and on the other hand be reminded that there are more simple and environmentally friendly ways of doing simple things. The buildings themselves, even though they were only ten years old, looked much older and did not have any heating or air conditioning. I was shocked. Thin walls, thin doors, it must be a challenge for the students. We spent some time with students making gyoza (dumplings) and then the college served us one of my most delicious meals. It was lazy Susan style and the food just kept coming, as it did at every meal we enjoyed. But it was so delicious.

From China

From China

From China

From China

Day 3, Sept. 27: History Lessons at the No. 2 High School and Folk Museum

After breakfast we headed to the No. 2 High School which is the best high school in Quzhou. You have to apply to get accepted. It also includes a middle school. Once you're 16 you may choose to live on campus.

The school grounds are beautiful. Very wooded, though my guess is the students rarely go into the woods. It just didn't look like it. Although, I'd bet I'd find a cozy nook to call my own, especially in a school of 4000 students. But then I've been told that alone time isn't a common Chinese attribute, which now that I think about it is a little surprising considering so many are only children or have quite an age difference between siblings.

I was immediately approached by two students interviewing me for the school paper. I'd love to read what they wrote. Our first stop was inside a museum type building, the museum was an historical timeline of the Exchange Teachers the No. 2 HS has been involved with. What I found most amazing in the museum was the types of artifacts that had been preserved there. Any trinket a Chinese teacher may have received as a gift from an American during his/her stay was in there with a little note explaining it. Many shirts, blankets, notes, Red Wing pennants. I'm certain that from an American perspective "we" expected the clothes to be worn, the blankets to be used, the items to be used or kept in the receivers home. With regards to the notes, I wonder if these were the best notes the teacher received or these were extras? How did the teacher decide what to give to the Museum? Do any of the teachers have the opportunity to go back in there? Do any of them ever go back in there? Have they all seen the museum?

Then while we were in the museum, a gentleman who had graduated from No. 2 HS dedicated some pictures to the museum in honor of the WWII pilots that China sheltered. I knew just a little about why Quzhou was our sister city before arriving in China, but I learned a lot more while we were there. In a nutshell, during WWII the US was bombing Japan, but of course the pilots couldn't make it back to the US so since Japan was also occupying China, China allowed the US to use some of their airbases, one of which was in Quzhou. In fact, the Chinese helped so much that some 80 pilots crashed and 64 of them were rescued. The Chinese not only housed them on the airbase they also fed them and hid them in a cave next to the airbase. Someone in Red Wing (I'm sorry I don't know who) wanted to recognize Quzhou's role and so helped establish it as a sister city.

From China

From China

Then we went into a classroom and some students were already there ready to do a sketch of each of us. Mine turned out pretty well. Another student came in and playe Auld Lange Syne on his clarinet. We then went to visit classrooms. I went into one room and was amazed at how many students were in the small room and how many books they had. I told them about our visit and about snow and what we do during the winter a couple of students asked some really good questions and a couple told me about the Autumn Moon Festival.

From China

Finally, we were off to lunch and then the Folk Museum. I could have spent more time and could have used my good camera to explore the Folk Museum. It was a very small ancient town. I found lots of great patterns.

From China

From China

From China

The the Municipal Speeches and Municipal banquet, then to Quzhou College for a performance. The performance included so many acts, it was out of this world. We really lucked out too, because this performance is only in Quzhou once every four years.

From China

From China

Day 4, Sept 28: Confucius Ceremony

After the ceremony we ate lunch at Mr. Kong's residence. Mr. Kong is the 75th eldest grandson of Confucius. He asked us to write three articles, one of which was on how our impression of the Confucius Ceremony. I've included my article here for day 4.

Discipline and Unruliness

Formality and Familiarity

Logical Sequence and Fluidity

in Confucius Ceremony

The Confucius Ceremony straddled two worlds and also perfectly blended those two worlds. Before our arrival we were strongly advised on what would be appropriate attire for the event. Additionally, a trio of young women delivered our beautifully crafted, individualized invitations. We were also shown a grid of where our delegation would be standing. With this attention to detail and formality, the tone of the ceremony was set.

Upon our arrival at the temple, my sight was immediately drawn to two uniform lines of school children wearing their matching clothes and the youngest wearing their primary scarves, standing in stiff attention, trying very hard to be still and obedient. But as they are school children some were more prone to wiggling and distraction than others. We walked in through the high doorway and into a sea of gold and red. Everything was draped in red and gold, and it looked crisp and new, yet under foot were uneven boards to be wary of. We were then escorted into a swarm of activity as more people filtered into their place on the grid. We tried to form straight rows and columns but had little success, perhaps due to our American non-conformity ways, perhaps due to other factors; some groups were better at this than us. The ceremony eventually began with many readings, the gift of flowers, the hymns, and recitations. On one hand the linear portion of the ceremony persisted throughout the ceremony. Everything seemed measured, prescripted. The children’s recitations marched from them in sharp solid fashion. Yet, those around me even noted how they did not understand the analects. I’m not sure if that’s because of the formality of them, or because of the intellect of Confucius, or for some other factor I’m not aware of. We were told that the hymn was about a Utopian world, full of peace and harmony. I wondered about what peace and harmony comes from grids and lines and sharp straight conformity. Perhaps harmony does come from discipline, perhaps it comes from creativity, non-conformity, freedoms. Perhaps there is some place where people create freely, think freely, yet have discipline and respect. I listened and looked around a little closer, trying hard to stay in my place in the grid, but I see that the lines are askew in large part because the trees and uneven ground around the roots in the courtyard. I realize that nature has once again taught me about balance between conformity and creativity. The solid upward strength of the trees, standing in conformity, yet each one is different and has its own place. The roots force the ground upward yet the ground is solid and stable. After the ceremony we were allowed to explore the temple briefly. I was able to get a better look at the incense pot where straight incense sticks released undisciplined smoke wafts to the heavens but like so much in life, only some of the smoke was lifted to the heavens. Some escaped into me and there it will forever remain. Through the visions of yellow and gold, the physical feeling of straight lines, the touch of the heat on our dress suits, the smell of the incense I was able to experience Confucius’ teachings on human nature: creativity, balance, discipline, respect, strength, harmony, peace.

From China

From China

This would be about heaven for me, having a drawing, writing, art room overlooking an outdoor courtyard. Not to mention eating in the courtyard like we did on this afternoon.

From China

After the ceremony we went to the airbase where the US bombers were housed. That was really cool. Any time you can go visit history it's so much more alive...

From China

From China

Day 5, Sept. 29: Meeting Local Quzhou

We rush out of the lights and glamour of the final banquet. Our week of scheduled events has concluded. Now to the life of Quzhou. We are swept off to a café/pub where we are warmly received by someone we briefly met hours ago on the opposite side of the city. I flit between English conversations, parenting advice, European/Chinese differences and Chinese conversations on children, in-laws, work, teaching, Quzhou. I wish my Chinese was better. Why doesn’t America value languages? Endorphins surge through my body—I can recall them now. Only too soon, we are shuttled back to our rooms, our quiet sterile rooms. But alas, food vendors on the corner save us. Stinky tofu is both delicious and offensive. Meat skewers are so warm and savory. Everyone is so friendly. I am called to a table of locals. They are wonderful: a banker and two police officers and one girlfriend. We drink, eat, (smoke). Such good English against my poor few Chinese phrases. These people are so generous and kind. We have drank all the beer of the vendors, cameras flash, and we have no choice, we walk to the river. I am stalling for the second time tonight, not wanting the sterile quiet of the upscale hotel room. I can feel the electricity and endorphins rush through me again. I’m heady with sensations, but I am out of excuses. We walk back. At good night I wish I could stall again or walk right not left, just for one night.

Day 6, Sept. 30: A glimpse of Shanghai

A long bus drive has provided us with our last long goodbyes. Farewell new friends. Until we meet again! We are off in search of dinner. A thirty minute cab drive attempts to help me understand what 23 million people look like. I believe, in correctly, that I will never get my head around this many people (I do not know what I will experience the next day). We locate a Shanghai McDonalds and a Chinese food court. Everyone is happy! We make arrangements for tickets for a boat cruise and begin the long walk to the dock. At the dock the boat is over booked. But our “travel agent” has been spotted, and we are quickly on board. We wait for the waters and snacks while the others are approached by a member of the boat crew. Without their translator they hold their breath in anticipation of what will happen next. Will they be escorted off the boat without their translator? They are escorted into a VIP room with a large table and comfortable chairs and a glass panoramic view of the city. Finally, we have left the dock, but as always I am antsy to actively absorb the experience and struggle to sit down in the glass room. Two of us head up stairs where many locals sit near the rail and observe the river from a electric vantage point. We squeeze as close to the bow as we can, away from the diesel smell and into the wind. I could stay here all night. The water soothes my soul and the lights are electrifying. Later, I will attempt to once again put off retreating to the confines of the hotel room. Even walking in the fresh air is both relaxing and exhilarating.

Day 7, Oct 1: National Holiday

Every part of me is on fire! A river of people is flowing past me. Flashes flare. Cameras click. The beer is light and cool and calming. Bright lights shine from stores and roller skates and children’s rockets dwarfed only by the darkness of the side streets. The noise of the crowd is a loud hum. When our food is ordered, I the roll of smooth Chinese, and I hear the quick responses of the vendors. Everyone must lean in close to tell me something, and I can feel their breath on me when they do.

The people move past us bumping against us in every direction. At the corner or on the side of the street are military units and police standing at attention and in perfect unison they open and close the road ways for us to cross. We hold hands to keep together. Many others brush against us and crowd us. My skin is ignited by the physical sensation running up and down my whole body.

When “darkness” falls we spend more time on side streets and back alleys, frequently stopping at local convenience stores for a beer, further adding to my headiness. The rich scent of the food vendors drifts in and out of my head. Roasted meat, steamed buns, the sizzle of the grill, the dry powder of the spices, the happy smiles on the old and the young. Children wave flags, laughing, playing, smiling, up on shoulders or in strollers, some even sleeping in the constant hum of human activity. The squid is warm and soft and crunchy. The baozi (steamed buns with minced pork) is hot, the red pepper paste and vinegar electrifies my palate. Gyoza (dumplings) are fresh and perfect. The roasted, sticky, sweet, and savory chestnuts warm my body. Every food item is a complex mix of textures and flavors. It’s overwhelming. It’s surreal. It’s an out of body experience. My whole body is on fire.

I will never forget this experience, and I’m so thankful to have had it. Thank you TT and Shanghai.

I’m am stalling, holding on tight, trying to conjure them in any way possible; I do not want to lose these sensations.

Nanjing Road

I wish I could have captured some of the sensations above, but you can't put that in a bottle or on "film." But this may give you a taste.

Oh My, The Food!!!

I feel like we ate our way through China. But then isn't that the only way to experience a culture? And if that's the case, then it wasn't until the last few nights when we really experienced the culture, but I've already written about that...

My guess is we were pretty well wined and dined. I loved the chance to try so many new foods. Many of the foods were very different from American foods, in fact, I don't think I had any dairy while we were in China. We have a rule in our home, "Take one I'll-try-it-bite." I tried very much to live by that rule. There was only one food, I did not try and now that I'm back here, I surely wish I had. I'll reveal that in a moment too. Some of the highlights were fish stomach soup, tripe (I tried to insist it was morels, it looked like a morel), Chinese hamburger, gyoza, eel (the worst bite of food I had, too many bones), dried fish (second worst bite, too tough for me to chew), black duck soup, mushroom soups were delicious, shrimp was delicious, I tried frog too (I'd been wanting to try frog for a while, and it didn't disappoint. I've been given the "It tastes like chicken," but I think it tasted sweeter. The only problem, again was the bones.) We were served many whole fish dishes and one dish that was fish that was reformed into a congealed fish shape. It's hard to explain, but it was interesting...

The food we were served at the college was delicious. I heard that the chef at the college came from a very well known restaurant. I don't doubt it; it was delicious.

Even the breakfast buffet at the hotel had a lot to offer. It had a few American-type dishes, but mostly it was similar to what we were eating at other meals, a lot of veggies. Brad misses the "Coffee Guy" the most. There was one guy in the hotel that arrived at 8, always looking like he'd just tied one on, he was the only one who could make coffee. One day they tried to call him in early, it didn't work, Brad had to wait until 8 to get his coffee, oh the tragedies.

I loved the Lazy Susan style eating; we had at least four meals this way. What always amazed me was the variety of dishes and how many just kept coming... We were also indulged in two beautiful banquet style meals. The first one was after the high school visits with all the delegations. I sat across from the Korean delegation and had a little conversation with them. I'm so thankful that others speak English, though I feel so ignorant speaking only one language. I always wanted my child to be able to speak another language and yet I have, in reality, done very little to work toward this. Will I ever correct it? Any, back to the banquet... this one had 13 courses and it was all delicious, but I learned to not eat it all. That Minnesota mantra of cleaning your plate has to be abandoned in this situation or one would surely gain a 10 pounds, there was so much food!

The final night was another banquet meal. This one had about 10 courses. One of the amazing things is how attentive the servers are. As soon as my wine glass or wine carafe was empty someone was ready to refill it. My only food regret was this particular evening. We were served Sea Slug or Sea Cucumber (I've seen a sea cucumber in Cozumel, this did not look like a sea cucumber but maybe there are other varieties...) and I was not brave enough to take my I'll-try-it-bite. I tried the soup but not the actual slug. I told myself that maybe the slug was ther e merely for medicinal purposes and was not actually to be eaten, how would I know. I didn't want to look like an idiot and eat something that wasn't supposed to be eaten... (Sure, you might be thinking I could have chosen to eat it in fear of not eating and looking like an idiot, but did I mention it was a sea slug...) Next time i have the opportunity, I promise I'm tasting the sea slug and the rabbit or duck head. They looked a little disturbing at first, but I've warmed up to the idea.

Ok. My final food reveal is Street Food. This was by far the best part of the food trip. We experienced street food in Quzhou and Shanghai. Everything we tried was delicious! We had... pork on a stick, marinated chicken steak on a stick, ground lamb on a stick, squid on a stick, stinky tofu (not on a stick), gyoza, baozi (steamed buns filled with meat), and beer.

Regret Number One

From China

Did I mention how beautifully everything was decorated?

From China

Chinese Hamburger (version two)

From China

mmmm, Lotus seeds. They look like acorns, and we saw them planted in several homes and in home gardens. They were light and delicious.

From China

Jet Lag or Chasing or What Was--Will Never Again Be

Perhaps there is jet lag going in both directions, perhaps it was fatigue, perhaps it was adrenaline, but some how an egg hatched into a larvae and began carving trails weakening my control centers.

It began on the last three nights of our China visit. We went out drinking and eating and dare I confess, I was smoking (those who knew me in grad school won't be terribly surprised I know, but everyone else, I'm sure will be). We were finally relaxed, really relaxed. We ate the local food. Drank local beer. I was energized to the point that I was on fire.

When we came back, I was sleep deprived, adrenaline deprived, and trying desperately to recapture the fire. The worm burrowed deeper in... The sleep deprivation fueled my weakening center. I consciously tried to allow it, perhaps I tried to allow it because I was sleep deprived, perhaps because my head was spinning, perhaps because I needed the adrenaline, perhaps because I liked it. In any case, I didn't try hard to climb out of the hole I slipping into, in fact I tried to loosen my grip, daring myself to fall or willing someone to push me in or lower me down. Luckily for me, the larvae could not survive in my centers and began dying. I'm sad to say good bye to the heady rush, to the adrenaline, to the overwhelming sensations of my soul on fire. It's time to stop chasing the sun and time to accept that what was will never be. It pains me, but it is time to put away childish things. I am thankful for the experience, I learned, again, to take time to nurture my soul by writing and by being with others, by being involved. I also gain at least one good friendship along the way, as long as my childish weaknesses didn't destroy it at the same time that I was building it; only time will tell. I must learn to maintain my strength. As much as I would like to allow the weakness to be my excuse, it is not an excuse. Be strong.

The Messy Bedroom

Is this constant mess indicative of bad parenting, laid back parenting, differential parenting? Will he always be this messy?
My only hope is knowing that I never had a clean room. And while I'm not a neat freak my home is usually better than his bedroom.

I don't mean to offend you...

As we drive around the lake I point out a sailboat. There's just something about a sail boat that calms me. They look so peaceful and fun.

"Look at the beautiful sailboat out there," I point out to Calvin.

"I see it, but I don't mean to make you not happy, but it's not that beautiful. It's kind of plain and boring." says Calvin.

Has my six year old already mastered the concept of "I don't mean to offend you but I completely disagree."?

He has. But he was right, I prefer the brightly colored sails too rather than the boring white sail on this particular sail boat.

I'm off the ceiling...

Yesterday, we received a post card from Calvin's new first grade teacher welcoming him to the class. That did a world of good for me and maybe even for him.

He said to me later, "My teacher looks nice."
"Yes, she does," I replied. "I heard she's going to have a baby, so I guess she's pregnant."

pause... "Why would that be important?"

"Well, because then you'll be having two teachers during the year. You'll have a sub when she's out for a few weeks with the baby."

"Oh. OK."

Calming Thoughts 1

People keep saying not to worry "Calvin" is a great child. He's very adaptable. I want to punch these people! How can they say that; no one really knows. And I'm just trying to prevent the worst case scenario... I was supposed to be sharing calming thoughts.

1. He did make kids right away at both his previous schools.
2. Adults like him (read: his teachers won't neglect him??)
3. He can self-advocate, at least some...
4. Yes it's a cattle style lunch room, but he won't have to struggle to find someone to sit and eat with and because of the quick in and out he'll have as much time as the school can allow to eat.
5. The truth is he is adaptable and rolls with everything.

Bomb Two

The one and only person that I think my son knows in the class is moving. I'm anxious enough and now he won't know a single other student!

Bomb One

I'm already over the top about the first grade transition for "Calvin." Now I find out his teacher is pregnant and will go on maternity leave in October and not return until after Christmas break... "It's only a 12 week maternity leave. Would you really want her back after only 6 weeks maternity? You know what it's like having a little one in day care after only 6 weeks." True, I know what it's like having a little one. I know the anxiety of a new born... I do not know what it's like to put the baby in day care right away and I'd really like to be vary pious about that right now. I'm a little concerned about the intellect of a teacher who gets pregnant so she's due in October and doesn't just take the year off!

I will be giving her a lovely gift or progesterone cream to help stave off the baby blues... I don't want that in my class. Please do note, that I said "my class." This isn't the first time I've called my son's class "my class." That may be one of my issues!

Two weeks to go

I posted this a.m. that I'm super nervous about My Little Man's first day of (public school) first grade. It's so huge, public school that is. My fear is based on two things... I'm so afraid he will get lost in the huge machine that is the US education system. I have taught in a public school, I know first hand how difficult it is to meet the needs of the students who struggle, who excel, who came to school having not eaten for the night or weekend, who ate sugar for breakfast, and who's parents spent an hour reading and doing math flash cards, and those who are precocious, etc. Then my second issue is that I have to give up a lot of control and trust a lot of people and systems that I have no knowledge of. He will walk down my driveway, presumably (I don't even know yet) get on the bus sit next to a bully? When he's on the play ground will some creep try to lure him away? Will he advocate for himself with his friends, classmates, teachers, other adults in a polite and respectful manner? If he needs something will he ask. Will he say, "No." if he needs to? Will he stand up for himself? Will he stand up for others? Will he eat? Will he feel overwhelmed and lost? Will he feel like he has accomplished something?

In the past first, I knew his teachers-well, very well, too well almost, but I also knew his classroom, the building, the parents of the other children. Some may call that control (I would), but I'm out of control on this one and have no clear expectations, AHHHH!

It's just school for goodness sakes, millions of children accomplish this everyday. He'll have a great year, I know he will because we talk to him. We'll help him solve the bully issue, teach him to advocate for himself more, feel proud of himself. And I am very excited that he may get to meet other children with similar interests; I know he is really longing for that. But darn it, it's scary!

Content of their Character!

My response to the two letters below... there many other great comments under Mr. Kennear's as well. First I appreciate your letter and that you're even beginning to think about these tough topics for the future. Being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever worked at. I've composed many of these types of conversations in my own head over the years. Like how would I talk to my child should he/she be addicted to drugs or have an eating disorder or be gay or heaven forbid head to some career path I'm less than satisfied with for him/her, or choose to move to the opposite side of the globe from me, or not have any children... I decided long before the birth of my one and only to try very hard to not live my life through him. He's 6 now, and we have very open candid conversations about everything. When we drove by a trailer park in our town he asked me what that was; since he's not in public school yet, he didn't know. I explained the benefits of living in a trailer park (affordable, less to yard to care for, close neighbors, etc.) and the cons (closer neighbors, less yard to play in) He listens to NPR with us, so when Chick-fil-a was on the news he asked what they were talking about. We talked openly about the controversy around gay marriage. We talked about how some of the people he knew would be impacted and hurt by those comments but how people can make those comments. We talk about love and being a good person, treating others with respect and standing up for yourself. In MLK's words it's the content of their character that matters. In sum, my son is a sensitive boy who plays very well with both boys and girls. He plays house and Star Wars Legos. He chose pink mittens for three winters. He sews and sword fights. I'm hopeful I will know he's gay when he does if he is, but mostly I hope he never needs a letter like that from me because I hope through many future conversations he and his friends will know our house is a safe house. And I bet you will find the same in your raising of your children! Thanks for writing the letter, perhaps I will write one if the time comes not because he needs one but because he'll have the tangible words to hold onto. Huffington Post's Letter http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-kinnear/dear-hypothetically-gay-son_b_1757663.html?show_comment_id=176137435#comment_176137435 First Letter http://imgur.com/pCrHU How awful!

Two great thoughts. How can heat make water (sweat) and make things burn? If you have fruit flies why don't you just get a Venus Fruit Fly trap...then you could snuggle me [instead of cleaning the kitchen]. Why don't I get a Venus Fruit Fly trap??

Calvin

I just saw Calvin, naked, dash from the bathroom to his bedroom to fetch toys. He was all Calvin! We may have created a monster.

Lame, I know...

In awkward gestures and broken words he asks to carry the little bag out> His poppa hands it to him and he toddles out barely lifting it. Oh how I miss those days (for just a moment)

Where are the curly locks? Where are the fat hands? The sausage wrists and legs? I know lots of you still have them, ok not you but you have little ones with them, but today I had one of those moments where I saw the past six years were gone. I've always liked the age I am; it always offers new experiences. I always have liked the age the little man is at, it offers new experiences. But today, just for a moment, I wanted his curly locks, his stumbling words, his sign language, his sleepy head. WellI did get his sleepy head this morning. Tomorrow, I'll have to breath that moment in a little deeper; in another 6 years I'm sure I'll be REALLY missing that.

Easter Gig!

All the data is in, when will the conclusions be drawn?

Leaving Cub after an impromptu visit with the "Easter Bunny" I ask, "That was pretty cool. How did you like seeing the Easter Bunny?"

"It wasn't the Easter Bunny."

"What do you mean, it wasn't the Easter Bunny?"

"It was just a person in a costume."

"How do you know."

"I could see the eyes."
Rubin the Blue Bin may have ruined the whole costume thing for him.

Monday he goes to the store and reveals upon his return, "They have this [chocolate] bunny at the store."

"No way!" I exclaim. What else could I say.

So when will he put it all together? I think this Christmas may be a little different.